


This Could Amount To Nothing

by DetectiveJoan



Category: Fablehaven Series - Brandon Mull
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Gen, Gen Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2015-11-20
Packaged: 2018-05-02 09:06:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5242610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DetectiveJoan/pseuds/DetectiveJoan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kendra had always had high expectations for her first kiss</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Could Amount To Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> Rated Teen for strong language, references to canon character deaths, and Kendra's notorious taste in men
> 
> Title taken from "You Know Me" by Air Traffic Controller

The first time Kendra pressed her lips to Warren’s, she was fourteen and he was in a vegetative state. “Catatonic” was the word Dale had used and she wasn’t sure exactly what that meant, but she was sure in that moment that Warren was the most handsome person she had ever met.

Tanu had asked her to do it. He'd called it a kiss, but she didn’t like to use that word when she thought of the experience. For one thing, it didn’t feel anything like she thought a kiss should feel like. There was no spark or thrill, just a dry brush of lips and an over-awareness of all the people watching her and a discomfort of not knowing what to do with her hands. Was she supposed to put them on his shoulders? His face?

She forgot to close her eyes.

The deciding factor, in the end, was that she’d never kissed anyone before. If this thing with Warren – in a too-warm cabin, surrounded by too many scrutinizing eyes – counted as a kiss, it would have to count as her _first_ kiss.

Kendra had always had much more romantic ideals about her first kiss.

This, she decided, was not it.

***

When Seth pulled the nail from the revenant’s neck and restored Warren, Kendra was too busy being worried about the safety of Fablehaven and her brother to worry about her quickly blossoming crush.

Later, after the preserve had been put back to rights and she was tucked safely back in the attic nursery, she allowed her thoughts to wander. They landed quickly on something Warren had said when he’d first been restored. He’d told her he could remember seeing her through the fog of his coma. Was it possible that he remembered more than he admitted to?

What if – her face flushed at the thought – what if he remembered the. . . not-kiss?

What if he thought of it as a kiss?

Kendra covered her face with her pillow to hide her blush, even though it was pitch black and Seth was very clearly already asleep.

It was a long time before she followed his example.

***

The next time her lips met Warren’s, they weren’t technically hers. She was being held captive by Torina five states away while a stingbulb with her face swallowed poison.

Seth told Kendra about the CPR a few months later, after she’d been rescued and he’d finally stopped having nightmares about her death. “It felt like it went on forever,” he said. “Warren was pretty desperate to save you.”

Kendra bit the inside of her cheek and wondered how fucked up she had to be to feel jealous of a dead piece of fruit.

***

She sometimes wondered if Warren ever had nightmares about her death, but she couldn’t bring herself to ask him.

***

The night before they entered Wyrmroost, Gavin invited her to help him double check that everything was packed properly in the knapsack. When they had finished and she was ready to rejoin the rest of their group, he stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. She turned back to him and found his face inches from her own.

She managed to close her eyes before he leaned in and kissed her.

She still didn’t know what to do with her hands.

It wasn’t everything she’d hoped for in a first kiss. There was a sharpness to it that she hadn’t expected could come from Gavin, all biting teeth and his nails digging into her neck. She could feel the cold rungs of the ladder against her back. Her hands trembled at her side – she shoved them into her back pockets to hide it.

She supposed that if they were all eaten by dragons the next day, it wasn’t an experience she’d want to die without having. All the same, she didn’t think she’d want to do it again anytime soon – maybe after they’d all survived the sanctuary she could take some time to figure out exactly what that meant. Right now, all it meant was that she couldn’t meet Gavin’s gaze for the rest of the night.

Oddly, she couldn’t meet Warren’s either.

***

When she found out Seth had been a stowaway in the knapsack and had seen the whole thing, she swore him to secrecy on pain of death.

“Of course,” he replied, not even trying to wipe the mischievous smirk off his face.

***

After Gavin’s death, Kendra picked up a habit of chewing and picking at her lips until they were raw and cracked.

Seth bought her chapstick and Tanu gave her a salve she supposed he had made himself.

“You know, he had us all fooled,” Seth told her one day. “Gavin, I mean. It’s not your fault you kissed an evil dragon.”

She threw the chapstick away.

***

In the weeks before Obsidian Waste, Kendra found herself hiding out in Warren’s cabin most afternoons. No one else seemed to feel the loss of Warren as keenly as she did – except perhaps Dale, who had thrown himself into the work of running Fablehaven to cope with his grief – and their promises to rescue him simultaneously felt hollow and smothering.

Mostly, she sat on his bed, because it was there and it was soft. She brought some of Patton’s journals with her and skimmed through them, unable to focus on any entry for long.

Occasionally, Kendra would find a declaration of Patton’s love for Lena; they were peppered throughout every journal. She remembered reading those words two years previously and daydreaming about Warren feeling that way about her someday.

She tried to forget that if they couldn’t retrieve the translocator she might never see him again.

She didn’t do a very good job of it.

***

In the weeks after Obsidian Waste, everything was a seemingly endless flurry of crisscrossing the globe in final attempts to stop the Sphinx and then Nagi Luna and Graulas. The only moments of rest were found when she curled up against Warren’s side for warmth and dozed during a flight or drive to some new time zone.

Sometimes she felt like she couldn’t breathe when he didn’t have his arm casually wrapped around her shoulder.

***

And then there was Bracken.

He pulled her aside the night before the opening of Zzyzx. When he took her hand, she could feel her heartbeat in her cheeks and the tips of her fingers.

“Vanessa wasn’t wrong,” he said with a quiet assurance as she stared intently at her shoes. They were on a beach instead of in an extra-dimensional storage room, but she couldn’t escape the feeling of déjà vu. "And just in case something happens to either of us tomorrow, there's something I'd like to do." 

When Bracken leaned in, she pulled back. Even without looking at him, she could feel his surprise and disappointment.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. She realized she’d bitten her own lip hard enough to draw blood.

His fingers tightened around her hand. “No, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have presumed –”

“The last boy I kissed was a spy for the Sphinx,” she admitted in a rush. “It’s not that I don’t want – I’m just not ready. Not right now.”

Kendra stole a glance at his face. She couldn’t read his expression. “I understand,” he said eventually. “Take whatever time you need.”

He kissed the back of her hand, then let go and walked away.

***

Killing Gorgrog was easier than dealing with boys was, Kendra decided a week later. She told Warren as much when he took her into town for ice cream and then questioned why she was so viciously stabbing her milkshake with her spoon.

“Ah,” he said wisely, stretching out on the opposite side of the booth from her. “I take it you still haven't heard from Bracken?”

She shoved a giant spoonful of ice cream into her mouth. “No.”

“Don't worry about it too much. He'll be in touch soon enough,” he said. “And if he's not, I'll hunt him down.”

It was meant to be a joke but Kendra didn't laugh. She jabbed moodily at her ice cream again. “I think I messed up,” she admitted after a minute.

Warren raised his eyebrows.

“I talked to Bracken. Before Zzyzx,” she started, but suddenly the story seemed too big to tell, like she could never find the words to adequately explain how badly she had fucked up. She swallowed. “Warren, I don't think I can do this. Dating. Any of it. What if what happened with Gavin –” she cut herself off as tears started pouring down her cheeks.

Instantly, Warren was around the table and crowding into her side of the booth, brushing away the tears and wrapping his arms around her. Kendra buried her face against his chest, embarrassed to be making such a scene.

He didn't offer any empty words of comfort or unsupportable promises that everything would work out with Bracken. He simply let her sob into his shirt and for that she was grateful. After several long minutes she pulled herself together with a shaky breath. “I made a mess of your shirt,” she muttered, hating how much her voice trembled.

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Don't worry about it,” he said, voice muffled by her hair. “And don't worry about any of that other stuff too much, either. You need to take some time to deal with everything that's happened to you, and that's fine. If you and Bracken are meant to work out, you will. No rush.”

Kendra sighed. “You're a lot better at this than he is. Maybe I should date you.”

She wasn't sure if she meant it as a joke.

Warren didn't laugh. “You shouldn't date anyone until you're ready,” he said.

***

Here's what her days look like, after:

She decides against going back to high school, opting instead for home schooling. It gives her more time to spend with her family, and to spend learning about the magical world. She does get special leave to join the local school's junior varsity soccer team and she practices relentlessly. She also takes up running. After a few short months, she can find her way around most of Fablehaven, having run all of the trails dozens of times.

Sometimes she runs with Warren or Mendigo. Most days she runs alone.

When Bracken finally comes to visit, he makes it clear that he's still willing to wait for her. The next time he visits, she makes it clear that she doesn't want him to wait; she just want him to be her friend. He agrees without hesitation. After that, he visits the preserve once a month, no matter how busy his work in the Fairy Realm keeps him.

He comes to her soccer games when he can, sitting in the front row next to Seth and yelling made-up cheers in Silvian that make her laugh.

She doesn't kiss him.

When she turns sixteen, Warren volunteers to teach her how to drive. It's a terrible idea, mostly, as Warren doesn't have much belief in things like speed limits and yield signs, but it gives them an excuse to take some time away from everyone else for an hour or two when Kendra needs it. Sometimes they talk. Sometimes they simply appreciate each other's quiet company.

She doesn't kiss him.

Twice a month, the Knights send a therapist to Fablehaven for her to meet with. Grandma Sorenson takes credit for inviting him, but Kendra has a sneaking suspicion that it was Warren's doing.

The therapist helps more than Kendra thought he would.

She rereads Patton's journals, and begins keeping one of her own. She visits the patch of grass marked off as Lena's grave, even though Patton had burned her body instead of burying it there. She wonders what they would have said about everything she'd been through since the last time she'd spoken to them. They'd be proud of her, she likes to think, for surviving well.

Somewhere along the way, she finds peace.


End file.
